belle-sdiary's Diaryland
Diary
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i'd update see. tea-cher! Yes, relief teaching can be a pain in the ass, but it can be a big motivation when you see the appreciated uplifted faces of your students. 1) greet the class
2) set up laptop and screen
3) talk abt the chapter and go into details.
4) give worksheet and guidelines
5) ask for submission/ file it up
6) keep laptop
7) thank the class
8) Give homework. STANDARD proceedure. " I'd be reliefing you for today, and no handphones or cards are allowed in my class. It WILL be confiscated and there will NOT be second chances. Please remain quiet and you may do whatever you wish. " " Keep quiet or you'd stay back with me" Like ANY of these are familiar? You hAVE NO IDEA how often i say these. And how seldom i follow them.
First off, you can't remember ALL your students.
Secondly, you wanna go home as early as you can, just like them.
Thirdly, it's so troublesome. Gosh just leave me alone.
Okay im kidding.
I try to be as dedicated as possible i swear.
I give remedials, consultations etc. No reliefs do that alright...
3:17 p.m. - 2008-02-10
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grow grow grow. Oh whatever
lalala! I found 2 jobs and quitted both.
Nowwww, i think it's bout time i start working in places where's stable and good. In every big decision you make, you gain something, you lose something in return.
It's hard really, to consider everyone's emotions, even if it's close ones only.
Especially when we're all young. When we're constantly forced to move forward and make decisions that directly affects our future. At this point in time we live for ourselves. We strive to make the best of ourselves and sometimes, sacrifices are made. There're times where I want to step out, engulf everything i have and make sure they never leave me. Wish that time could stop, or we could grow up faster to save myself from such agony.
But it's futile.
This will never happen. It's funny how all of us change.
I want to change.
I hate to change.
I always blend in.
Therefore i fit in, but why isn't my will strong enough to preserve the raw me? What will things be like after i graduate and start working, for real.
In an aspect i hope i'd be cooped up in an office so i'd never change. And the schedule's so exact that i can plan my life after work.
In another, i want to meet new people, venture out. Take a fall and bleed real bad.
I think. I worry too far ahead, about what kind of person will become and what kind of friends i'd still have/ make.
they'd never understand.
The anguish.
When you attain the unattainable,
all you want, is to just hold it that way forever.
2:02 p.m. - 2007-12-21
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what i want to do.
Jan helping me get a new blog with layout!
yay.
Blogging is part of my life..
er. Yeah, kind of haha.
Though i frequently dump them it means a new chapter has begun ( Yes i seriously think so. =P ) What i've been doing in my free days after my last lit paper.
-shop
-read damn damn little
-sleep
- go around eating
AND THAT'S IT.
I swear, that's such a slack lifestyle. There're so many other things i want to do.
Like
- shop more.
- read regularly.
- sleep by 12 and not wake up at 12.
- Go overseas.
I can't wait.
To visit places, to absorb their culture.
Look at how the nightsky's different from ours.
Their accent, their way of life.
Their FOOD, their STYLE.
I want to apply myself in a school for a week, buy their uniforms and see what's it really like being a student there. I bet it'll be hell fun.
Yes i've been dying to do that. But now i no longer can wear a uniform. How sad's that!
I want to visit pyramids in egypt.
Hot spots in hawaii.
See kids in Africa, ride a camel.
The craziest things ever.
And no, im slacking at home when time's like running so damn fast! A week's almost over
-i need to get a job and it's to occupy my time as well so perhaps i'd spend lesser.
- Get in touch with some other friends
- get dancing classes
- Go singing. Yes that's about it.
Enough to tide me through my months.
YIPEE.
12:18 p.m. - 2007-12-03
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goodbye, farewell
i am so damn sick of a blog that doesn't allow me to lock an entry. So here's it http://belle-sdiary.blogspot.com Blogspot.
Yeha the almighty, before i shift again ( but i promise to keep you guys updated) Damnit it has the comment system. haha
Anyway, i'd sort out the new blog when i've time. Like tomorrow cause im so damn tired now it's like 1am. Shit.
Bye to this blog!
My diarylanddd!
12:49 a.m. - 2007-11-20
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Missing.
Okay. I need to get my prom dress.
I need to tune back to studies. ______
It's gone.
It left.
I don't wanna find it.
Seeking something that you might never find,
Is awfully tiring.
12:30 a.m. - 2007-11-20
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As it is,
Twas over.
I don't feel it,
yet,
I fear.
Emptiness.
6:49 p.m. - 2007-11-15
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time management sucks
hello everybody I thought i deserved to like DIE cause i so could write so so much for econs but my time management SUCKS. I know quantity does not = to quality. But. No quantity in econs is = dead, now that's for sure. My points were slipshot.
I wrote like a mad woman i swear.
It was the stupid question:
What are the possible causes of a balance of payment deficit on the current account. Now if you can get that, good for you.
Cause i wrote like 1 page and 3 lines and my handwriting is big when it's messy.
Who the hell uses ON.
What the hell is ON the current account.
The current account is PART of the BOP.
But it sounds like BOP is PART of the current account. I stared at that fucking question for 15mins.
Now all my beloved econs peers.
We all know how much we can scribble in 15 mins.
We can go on and on abt how elasticities of demand for exports and imports are elastic AND inelastic. How the BOP worsens then improve.
That is one page and ONE FULL POINT WORTH OF MARKS. And guess what.
I'm left with 15 mins for my microeconomics question.
15 mins to flaunt my knowledge on monopolies, oligopolies and so on.
The information in my head was overflowing and i REALLY JUST WANTED TO GET IT OUT but i struggled with time. It was evil.
So there you go. For the first time in my life i smiled inwardly when i received the econs paper.
Yeah, and i left feeling frustrated. Apparently, Faizal and Nicole Sam faced with the same 15 mins thing. I'm going to get back my results slip next year and im gonna smile inwardly.
So shuttup those idiots who wrote 20 pieces of paper for the As, cause if you didn't know, you are a freak.
__
I'm always thinking about what i'm going to do after my geog paper. That one week of bliss before my lit p4. I know i should mug for it. But schedule's almost filled. ANd i can't concentrate. So much so that i think i already ended A levels. And that's not good. Cause all i do now when i get home is sleep, eat, go online.
I tried mugging for Econs paper but i swore i didn't. Thank god it was kind of fine apart from the time issue. And now im not even studying for my stupid case study!
Shitttt.
5:58 p.m. - 2007-11-13
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arghh
! i noe ure stressed and all.
i noe ure feeling like shit.
i noe i cant do nuts about it.
so just vent it on me.
i'll take anything that comes my way
10:51 p.m. - 2007-11-06
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go darling. ure not too far from the end
life in camp has been boring. a day past is just another day over. tuition is dwindling. anyone interested in tuition out there? pls lemme know. i look forward to after A's. i think she has been really strong. and i noe she will remain strong. it is difficult but she'll persevere through. i just noe it. how bout this? we'll go back to the past sometime in the near future.. dear i hope you don find me naggy but jiayou. u can do it. we'll err.. swim in the sea after? i love you =)
10:43 p.m. - 2007-11-05
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dorky not!
Hello everybody,
I have geography ( physical ) tomorrow. I am not prepared and i did what i always do.
Hide.
Come online in hope of "doing something" instead of stare and the paper and go crazy. I know, things are based on meritocracy.
In any case, if i do get a decent grade and make it to the university. I think it's commendable.
Yes i really do.
But that's IF i get it. In the past one month of mugging ( 3 weeks before As and 1 week during As.) I have never felt more at home.
It's like everyday waking up at at about 12, eat a little snack, go to your table and memorise something. At first, it was difficult. With so many distractions like the computer, friends and i even made friends with the television.
But now it's easier, and i have "toned down". I've gotten used to this modus vivendi simply cause everyone seemed to be in this state before me. The notes and books seem more friendly and come to think of it, I'm not sure if i ever want to throw them away anymore. Being dorky and not even being aware of the latest movie, fashion ( i haven't touched a magazine for months )and the fact that i set foot in orchard less than 10 times actually feels normal. I know this sounds crazy. I think i've gone crazy too. Perhaps i haven't been studying for so long i forgot the feeling of it. The act of being a student. I know it's so darn late to realise this now, (not to say that i enjoy being a student, ) but i'm glad studying isn't as repelling. Even though i said what i felt,
I KNOW I STILL LOOK FORWARD TO AFTER EXAMINATIONS.
But i know, when that day happens and while i sit on the marble benches outside esplanade looking at the merlion, these memories will flood back. And instead of having no recollections of studying at all, I'm going to embrace it, and keep it. __ Human geog. is going to kill me during the few days break. And i've a feeling that whatever i studied for prelims for econs is just going to waste.
So. What the heck i'm going to be starting from scratch again. But this time, i better be serious with things. There's no second chance. Sigh. =(
5:42 p.m. - 2007-11-04
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Studying is fun and just so easy don't you think so?
I finally don't detest studying anymore. But you know how you wish things were over and then stop yourself and wished that time could stop for you to catch up. It's tiring, to catch up. To think that you're being left behind. Actually, I'm used to catching up. Whether with studies or people. And it's bad. Because there's so much to handle at any point in time. I used to be fine with it. - like whatever you know, i can still get where i want by doing anything i want and putting in some effort in the last stretch - But things grow and multiply as we age. You've got to tell yourself that you've JUST got to do these things. There's a pattern actually. If you look at those people who manages their time wisely, it's often because they act based on self-interest. And it's effective AND it's beneficial. So what the heck am i doing. Being selfless and selfish. Choose. Even though i often tell myself these things. I ALWAYS lapse back into the. "I'm the almighty! I can handle such an easy task." Ego, proud, stupid.
This is a brainless ranting entry. Actually. This diary's made just for that purpose.
It's brainless.
It's just for venting.
It's to insult people.
And it's very unhappy and unhealthy for my readers.
But thank you for visiting.
1:02 p.m. - 2007-10-27
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Do you have any idea?
You have no idea.
When you stop for a second and look around.
The speed of these things. They move and change,
You wonder, if you're alone.
You have no idea,
The encroachment of emotions, how they
Majestically make it's way.
Terminate, Fear.
You have no idea still?
It's not about them,
It's about you and you, alone.
You need to inhale not succumb,
But first, energy to draw in the abundant air.
The leading edge to destroy.
A man's heart washed away.
To give a picture,
You have no time to ponder and think,
The motion to move on is unwilled,
Why then, sinner,
Are you holding back.
1:56 p.m. - 2007-10-24
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Post A levels?
The nearer it is to A levels,
The more i think about what im going to do after that. Like, how im gonna burn my books, sleep all day, sing, dance, hang out, get high and get stuck in the clouds even if it's stupid.
Now belle, LOOK AND CLEAR THE MESS OR U'D END UP WITH A BIGGER PILE OF SHIT! I totally know.
Now to all those that think like me like raj and all, you know. Stop thinking then.
I need SPACE.
I need to start studying CONDUCIVELY with a plan in mind. Well, the biggest policy in my life is never to regret. Never to regret anything you do and to stick by your principles. So, i don't wanna regret. I picked this path, and although it's hell it moulds me and it educated me and so NOW, i know NEVER to pick such an idiotic route again. Anyway,
I'd be pia-ing away and salvaging my pathetic marks to a decent grade that no one in history has ever done before. I should be given a nobel prize, and be jotted down in history.
Brilliant.
Now back to studying. And to my besties, you all are all so MIA, but i know you're like trying to stop contacting me so i can mug. Yes ok fine.
To jm, you are omg. living and doing things within the parameters. I think it should be voluntary but im happy with the way things are.
to my classmates, you all are stressing me out. But it's okay la. Going back to school once in a while gives me reality check and a gauge on where i stand and how much i improved.
To chris, OMG so many chris right, to my neighbour, thanks for consistently printing notes and the food and drinks that comes with it. haha.
OH man these people.
<3
Okay now give me plenty of space and time to mug.
Be sweet nice and cute to me.
A levels is a monster therefore i claim that right.
hahaha
Ok la maybe not la ok.
1:29 a.m. - 2007-10-20
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WHYYY
Why is there a JC/ poly/ ITE/ Private route. WHY does the government discriminate. Why can't we all have a uniform easy system so i can feel better when I'm not doing much but unbelievably doing well. Why am i such a B**** when im stressed. WHY is there only 4 universities in singapore with so little placings. Has it got to do with land scarity? Can't they just built it upwards then!! Oh you know what, just accept that. SHEESSSSHhhhh
4:51 p.m. - 2007-10-13
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I'm finally out of words?
Mummy's birthday just passed.
Brothers birthday celebration's next monday.
Kristin's birthday celebration's tomorrow.
Jm's mom's birthday celebration's on saturday.
and what.
There's 2 more which i just have NO TIME to attend.
Although i know it'll be a blast.
But no,
Priorities and discipline, nothing tempts me apart from studies.
So unless you're a book or a pile of notes, i won't date you. I'm jsut not interested. Bye. (damnit how else can i emphasize this further?) After A levels.
You all just watch out.
I'm going to do the craziest things.
And i won't care if u think im a monster, I bet you'd die to be me.
Or rather,
you were once like me.
Or you'd be just like me.
Whatever.
I'm gonna get all my freedom back. This is what education does to me.
Suppression, relaxation.
Contracting and expanding = cracks and joints. ________ Bugger off loser.
Baby swallow those money,
You gotta play by my rules.
11:30 p.m. - 2007-10-10
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oh whatever
fcuk, i deleted an entry.
I really don't know what to feel towards you right now.
Every tear proved me wrong.
It's different. And no one knows me in my private space.
And there's so much i want to scream out. But it's a rough patch, I got to go my own way.
But when it's too late to apologize,
It's too late. SHIT I CAN'T STUDY TODAY.
i hate diaryland.
No pw locking.
sad.
3:09 p.m. - 2007-10-08
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Sian
I'm so busy so just leave me alone,the seniors or whoever whos not taking As this year. I am easily irritated.
AND
i bite.
And im super focus and responsible and disciplined.
So no point tempting me.
You're wasting your time and mine. BYE haha Now on a happier note,
I;m graduating tomorrow!
Woah, i just can't wait till i grad. from university. It's going to be the happiest day in my entire life i promise. Nothing beats that. Then we all can happily go out and work and spend, and spend, and spend. Then work.
haha ok, so not good influence. I just realised what sum i get.
Being the youngest has such benefits. But, i'd be nice to their kids k! okay sian. i know the secret. haha. Won't you die for me to know that.
11:00 p.m. - 2007-10-04
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oh whatever
memories benefit when you get to learn from your past mistakes. It moulds you. But it hunts.
Won't you turn the music up and drown me.
It'll come in, it'll flood, it'll charm, it'll take me away.
And desert me.
School is a fucking waste of time i swear.
The extra lessons are going to kill me. I mean, it's for my own benefit right. Can't they all push it to one day and we just allocate ONE day to school?
I have a LIFE.
A mugging life, that i really wish i could concentrate and mug hard for this two weeks cause nothing'd go in after this two weeks.
So just please be understanding and give me a break.
It's called study break for a reason.
And i ONLY can study in the morning.
Dragging me up at 8 in the morning won't help when i should be mugging things like GEOG. ( which does not have ANY remedial/supplementary/tuition) which means, i need to deal with this monster alone I am super in a bitchfit and nothing good will be posted here. So to all who are upset just leave okay.
Till A levels over my life's in hell.
11:07 p.m. - 2007-10-03
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Stupid A levels i hate you.
Oh my god. Please tell me i ain't the only idiot trying to cram A levels in 2 weeks.
It's a bloody lot of content ok you science students will never understand.
Say it isn't so,
tell me you're not leaving.
Say you changed your mind now,
That i'm only dreaming. I wish to presonify A levels like the monster in Jaws or any related firms. Where they lose they're animalistic.
And i want to scream in their face that i'm leaving and i want to just leave.
No one cares if you look like a nerd and you really are one right now. From what i know, my friends from all JCs ARE being nerds. It's as if being nerd's the in-thing right now.
So, i should just join the fun.
Afterall, no matter how laid back one's in their life, to abandon your future ( not considering that you've disposable money at will ) is not a wise move. And now as i'm eating an apple and trying to just chill and do my thing.
I'm fully aware of the mountains of topics i have to understand, memorise and not to mention read essays/ practise writing before the exams or i can never match up to those muggers who're so diligently filling up the little void spaces they have.
They look so slack and relaxed.
But.
I know i shouldn't be jealous.
I had the whole year.
SHIT.
5:52 p.m. - 2007-09-29
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new diary!
New diary.
I need somewhere to write and express myself.
It helps me think through.
Maybe it's temporary. I hope Jan gets the domain email, but meanwhile..
10:21 p.m. - 2007-09-26
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